


Starshine

by AceWellBeing



Series: Heartbreak [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Established Relationship, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Multi, Past Relationship(s), Sad with a Happy Ending, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-05 19:30:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17924960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceWellBeing/pseuds/AceWellBeing
Summary: Sam asks Gabriel about his past relationships.





	Starshine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Thee_Idiot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thee_Idiot/gifts).



> Honestly, I grew up with the idea of angels and I've always been obsessed with them. Considering anything on them can't really be taken as fact...
> 
> This is how I imagine angels would really feel if they were to ever fall in love. Further explanation at the end.

Sam sat at the kitchen table looking at Gabriel. "You know... you know of all of my exes. Jessica, Amelia, and Ruby. How come I don't know any of yours?"

 

Gabriel snorted and munched on his pop tarts. "What do you mean you don't know any? You know about Kali."

"She doesn't count."  
"Why not?" Gabriel furrowed his brows and frowned.

"Well, because I don't know anything about that relationship either. If anything it was more like you had a fling with her."  
"That's rude. I was absolutely in love with her."

"Were you?" Sam pressed. Gabriel paused for a moment.  
"I would watch what you say, Winchester."

"Why is talking about your exes such a big deal? It's not like your hung up on any of them. Are you?"  
"You clearly have not learned a thing about angels." Gabriel went back to eating, focusing on munching down more pop tarts.

"Then enlighten me."

Gabriel snarled. "Fine. We'll start with Kali because you know her, and she was the last relationship I had before you." He took a deep breath.  
"Kali was.. beautiful. She was elegant and enrapturing to be around. It's how she pulled lovers in. But she was like the black widow of the gods. Lured men in, only to destroy them when she was done with them. She had rarely fallen in love, and I was determined to be one she fell in love with."

"There was a party celebrating some pagan holiday. I don't quite remember which one, there was numerous in that amount of time. We were probably about a week into celebrating.. so definitely one of the Norse holidays. Anyway, I approached her with a wine I knew she would enjoy."  
"Thankfully she accepted and we got to talking. Halfway through she tried to make moves on me and drag me to the bedroom. Being a god of destruction, of course, she's going to try to bed and destroy a god of chaos. But being the chaotic type myself, I wasn't quite ready to bed her. I evaded her enough to get her to stop but kept her interested enough that she wouldn't leave or feel rejected. That night, she didn't bed anyone."  
"And.. it well continued. We had more conversations at more parties. Seeking each other out, getting to know one another, without bedding each other. It was.. actually really nice on my end. I hadn't had that in a while. It seemed to calm her as well. I finally asked her on a date, knowing she wouldn't try to bed me immediately."  
"We had actually been going out for three months before there was sexual tension. Three months later is when I went down on her."

"Gabe."

"What? You wanted to know." Gabe felt his chest tighten. "She... She was great. We actually enjoyed each other's company. I loved talking to her. We actually punished many, trying to flirt with each other. We had been together four years when she finally said, 'I love you'." Gabriel laughed a bit, sourly. "Eventually, she started trying to one-up me. She stopped being impressed by me. I suppose it was because I had gotten what I wanted, but realized.. it wasn't her love I wanted. I loved her anyway. I.. started to worship her. She eventually tossed me aside. Told me, she didn't want another worshiper. She wanted a lover, a mate. That I wasn't worthy because we had to be equals. And me acting like I was lesser didn't attract her, but repulsed her."  
Gabe swallowed. "It felt sickening to worship her. But I felt like I had to make it up to her, for not wanting to pursue being a mate."

***

"That's... that just sounds like you weren't over someone." Gabe nodded solemnly.  
"I suppose you're right.. It was.. probably Remi."

"Remi?"  
"Yeah, the angel of hope. He's.. out of my life. I kind of ruined him."

"What?" Sam laughed a bit. "How?"  
"This guy was fucking adorable. Also a twink. Definitely a twink."

****  
Gabriel laughed as Remi splashed in the water. "Love, come on. We have to go."  
"Yeah, but why?"

"Because we have duties. We don't have a lot of time to spend on earth." Gabe held out a towel. Remiel walked up and took it. He wrapped it around himself before burrowing into Gabe. Probably one of the only angels smaller than Gabriel himself.

"It's a shame. My duties are.. hard."  
"I would think bringing hope to the brokenhearted is difficult."

Remiel grumbled softly. "It's definitely tiring." Gabe ruffled his hair and kissed his head. "When do you think we'll get another break?"  
It was Gabe's turn to sigh, "Probably not for a few years." Remiel looked up at him, with gentle eyes.  
"Think we'll still be together?" Gabriel laughed.  
"I sure hope so." Remiel pushed Gabriel lightly. "Oh come on. You love my jokes." Gabe kissed his cheek.

"I do, but really. Do you think we will?"  
"Yes. I really do." Gabe smiled at him softly, "I love you. I'm not letting you go."  
**

 

"Remiel!" Gabe grabbed for him. Remiel fell against the cliff, having grabbed onto Gabe's arm at the last second. The battle going on behind them, without them. Michael called for Gabriel using harsh words. "Come on Remiel. I told you, I'm not letting you go. Now fly back up here."

Remiel barely made it past Gabe before falling back, smacking against the cliff once again. He spazzed. "My wings! My wing. It's hurt. Gabe, I can't fly up." Remiel grabbed for the cliff, trying to climb up. Gabriel pulled him up as best he could.

"Gabriel, get back into position!"  
"Angel overboard! I need assistance!"

"Leave him!"  
"Michael!"

"Balthazar! Benjamin! Flank Gabriel and help the angel!"  
Angels were on either side of Gabriel in moments, helping him pull up Remiel, trying not to tear his armor off.  
Gabriel hugged Remiel after. "You stupid! You're supposed to stay at the top! You're not a soldier!"

"I did! I got hit." Remiel grabbed onto Gabriel.  
"I'm going to bring you back up. Then I have to go." Gabriel picked him up and moved to fly.  
"Gabriel watch out!" Michael appeared in front with his shield and blocked the Leviathans attack. He pulled out his sword and swung down. "I told you! Get back in line! Leave the angel! We have a mission!"  
**

"He shouldn't have been there Michael!"  
"He needed to be. You know any fight against the Leviathans is practically hopeless."  
"That doesn't mean you bring the Angel of Hope!"  
"That's exactly what you do! Your heart is too close to this Gabriel."

"No. You're just against this because angels aren't supposed to be with anyone. I love him, Michael. Is that so wrong? We're supposed to love humans, why can't we love angels?"  
Michael's eyes narrowed. "You dare question our father?"

"I question your leadership. We made the rules, Michael. Let's change them!"  
"You and Remiel could have gotten killed."  
"You would have left him to die. You would have very literally let hope die to win a fight against the Leviathans. My heart saved us."

"You need to let go of him."  
"You need to let go of your pride." Gabriel stormed out.  
***

Gabriel stared out at the water silently. He had come alone. He had to, he had no one to come with. Michael couldn't erase who Gabriel was. But he could erase Remiel. After the battle and Remiel's recovery, he was sent to Naomi for 'realigning'. He hated they called it that. Naomi just erased anything of angels, resetting them to be perfect soldiers. 

He didn't have his love. He was alone. Again.

* * * * * *

Sam stared at Gabe in amazement. "Michael.. erased you from his memory?"  
"Yeah, unfortunately, Naomi's methods don't work on archangels. Michael had no way of resetting me. He knew I wouldn't change my mind, so he reset Remiel. Then Michael changed my work so I wouldn't be around to remind him of anything. It was.. actually why I left heaven. It was the same battle that Balthazar disappeared too if you were wondering." 

"That.. makes sense. So.. was there anyone else?"  
"Yeah. Actually, you know the rule where angels can't be with humans at all? That's my fault. I mean, I didn't love them like I loved Remiel. But they were one of the more fascinating people I had met. It was.. well easy to fall in love with them."

"What happened?"  
"I wanted to clip my wings to be with them. I kept having to be called away to work. Which was hurting my lover. They... Abigail was their name. They never knew how much time we had together. I could stay a day, maybe a week. Once we were lucky and got a year. It was too hard on them, not knowing when I had to leave next, or how long I would be gone on an assignment. They.. made a deal with a crossroads demon during one of my missions. I had to be taken from that one to deal with a much more stubborn human who demanded things from me, that I couldn't promise."  
Gabriel sighed. "At that point. I just.. broke up with them. I was not going to be manipulated. They were too much of a distraction for me anyway. It's why when Remiel came up, Michael was far more against it than anything else. Though, that could have been because he was actually the second angel I fell for.."

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Second? I thought it was your first. I mean.. didn't you say you guys had made rules?"  
"Yeah. But that's because angels had paired themselves off. It's practically natural amongst all species. None of them were in love. It was like.. platonic relationships. But it had gotten too much to handle for many since they were loyal to one angel, but they could never use it as an excuse because they weren't soulmates."

"Angels don't have soulmates?"  
"Not officially. That time was very messy. No rules were set about anything in particular. I thought we should have set rules for soulmates, because.. if Adam and Eve were soulmates. Then why couldn't angels have them? Well, Michael didn't agree, he just had rules stating that since angels didn't procreate or officially had soulmates, that those relationships would just be against the rules. Since he's a warrior, he also doesn't understand that love makes you fight harder to protect something. Instead of, distracting you from the true target and wasting your life. My bet was that he was rejected by someone, and decided if he couldn't have them, then no one would. But I have no proof."

"Wow. So.. what about that angel?"

Gabe flinched. "I don't want to talk about it."  
"Why not?"  
"Sam."  
"Gabe."

"Sam, I love you. But butt out." Gabriel got up from the table. Sam squinted.  
"You still love them."  
"I still love all of them. I loved Abigail. I still love Remiel. I miss Kali. I love each and every one of my previous lovers. I never stopped loving them. Don't get me wrong I love you. The love for them is different-"  
"You still loved Remiel more than Abigail, and I'm also assuming Kali."

"I-"  
"You may love me, but you can still love someone else more."

"I.. I fell in love with... Afrael. The angel of life. She.. was my starshine." Gabe teared up. "I. I will never love anyone more than her." Gabriel suddenly shook. "The world was against her. Yet she shone almost as bright as Lucifer."

Sam looked at Gabe in shock and sorrow. He felt Gabe's grief in his chest.  
Gabe trembled. "She was.. my life. My everything. There was nothing in the world that would have made me love her any less. I loved Abigail with my head, Remiel with my heart, and Kali with my mind. I love you with my soul. But I loved Afrael with my everything. She fell with Lucifer. She was the most beautiful soul I had ever seen. Unlike Lucifer, she was still beautiful when she fell. But it was a cruel beauty. She created sirens and mermaids. Using beauty for cruelty." Gabriel sobbed. His hands sparked. "She almost made me fall. It made Michael reinforce rules. She.. became so warped she was locked away. It didn't last long. Whoever tried to break it, did it wrong. It killed her. Her cage, designed to hold her.. was also designed to kill her." 

Sam got up and hugged Gabe.  
Gabe clung to him. "I can't love you as much as I still love her. I can't love you like her. I'm sorry."

Sam rubbed his back. "She was your soulmate to you. There's no one that could have replaced her. I will never blame you for that. You still love me for much of what you have. There's nothing wrong with that. I love you, Gabe. But you know I know you're not my soulmate. I know my soulmate, and I can't have him. And that's ok. Because at least I have you, and your love is more than enough for me. You love me here and now. I may not be your everything, but I'm still here. And I love you."

Gabe's heart broke. He hated that he couldn't move on from her. He could barely talk about her. He didn't want to think about her laugh again. Her grace and elegance that rivaled Lucifer's. He hated he couldn't revel in the memories without sobbing. He never lived in his memories anymore, all because his starshine was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Angels were not only created as beings of light but also beings of love.
> 
> They're also not hindered by anything human: bodies, time, space, reality, etc. Why wouldn't they just continuously love one as deeply as they first did? Especially if they were never separated because they stopped loving them?
> 
> I don't know. Something I thought about. Maybe I don't make any sense. Maybe people can relate.


End file.
